Honesty

This post is going to be very honest. I’m tired. I’m beat. I’m exhausted. I’m run down. I want to sleep. I need a break. My head is spinning. I love my kids (and my husband) more than anything in this entire world but at this very moment, as I write this, I’m so tired I can hardly function. I’m still sick–going on 4 weeks of a constant headache and the room spinning. Lincoln is sick. Emmersyn is sick. I’ve been getting 5 hours of sleep for days, probably weeks, and even those 5 hours are broken up and I’m tired. I haven’t had a break for longer than an hour or two in months without one of my children on my hip.

I couldn’t ask for a better husband than I have. He does so much for me, for the kids. He gets up at night, sometimes more than I do, if one of the kids are crying. He cleans the house when he gets home from a hard day at work. He takes Riley and Lincoln out ALL the time so I can get a little rest. He makes our bed. I don’t. He puts the kids to bed every night by himself. Yet, I still am utterly exhausted. What gives? I get more help from my husband than probably 95% of women/mothers out there…yet, I still feel like I can’t get everything done in a day.

I want my mom, or my sister to come visit just so I can get a little break. I have great friends down here who OFTEN offer to watch my kids, but they have their own and I don’t want to impose. BUT I wouldn’t mind asking my mom or sister :)…they are family and I miss them (well, I miss all of my family). I wish we lived closer so I could get a little help sometimes because I’m tired and wish I could call them to take the kids for an hour just so I can take a nap.

I shouldn’t complain, I know I really shouldn’t. I’ve been so blessed. Ty and I have an awesome relationship (even if I do wish we got to spend more time together BY OURSELVES). Our kids are happy and healthy. He has a good job that provides for our family and he doesn’t work too much and for goodness sake, I get to stay home and raise our kids! What a blessing that is! Even if on some days, like today, I don’t feel very lucky to get to stay home. I don’t feel “lucky” when I was up 5 times last night with the kids, up at 5 am with a sick and crabby two year old, had to hold Lincoln all day because he was sick or when I had to give Emmersyn 2 baths because she had 2 major explosive diapers, attempt to fix Riley’s curtains because she “needed more light in her room” and decided to pull them down…you get the picture of how my day went. I am still lucky to stay home and I do know that. It has just been one of those days and I’m tired.

I am thankful for the weekend and wish I could sleep for the next 2 days! Today is just one of those days where I don’t feel like a very good wife or mother and I wish I could just forget about it! Ahhh…good thing tomorrow is another day.